A Bachelor Party
by frodoschick
Summary: Clopin decides to drop in on Phoebus with a couple of presents...


Thanks to those who have clicked into this story! Please read it...and then review it!! You can flame if you feel like you need to.

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Dedication: Forestwater, because without her, I never would have thought of this story.

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Disclaimer- I own nothing, not even the idea. Forestwater does.

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_Thanks Forestwater for letting me write this story!! Fluff fluff fluff!!_

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Phoebus sat in the banquet hall of his townhouse that he had bought almost as soon as he had gotten off military duties. It was a nice house in the middle of Paris. He wanted to give Esmeralda the best of everything, even though she was still in the Court of Miracles. They weren't scheduled to be married until next week. He sighed, boredom flooding his Y chromosomes.

There was a knocking at his door. He sighed before getting up from the fire. Who could it possibly be at this hour? He opened the door to get a handful of confetti in his face. The now familiar laugh set his ears on alert.

"Hello. Clopin." he said, wiping confetti from his eyes. Clopin stood in his doorway, Court of Miracle clothes on, a bag slung over his shoulder. His mocking grin widened when he saw Phoebus in his lounging shirt and trousers. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Don't be so formal with soon-to-be-in-laws!" shouted Clopin, shoving his way past him and setting down the sack with a eerily familiar clunking and clinking sound. "I'm here to celebrate!"

"Celebrate what?" asked Phoebus, hopefully sighing without Clopin's noticing.

"To celebrate your marriage to La Esmeralda!" shouted Clopin once more, doing a cartwheel in front of the fire. "Look, I brought presents!" He opened the sack and held up four wine bottles per hand.

"That's all?" asked Pheobus sarcastically.

"Of course not!" Clopin looked offended. "There's quite a bit more! This was only what I could grab at the second."

"Oh, of course." said Phoebus ith a hidden eye roll. "Listen, Clopin, I-"

"Here!" Clopin shouted, shoving a bottle into Phoebus's hands. "Drink, drink, drink and be merry!" He stuck a bottle to his lips and started chugging it with random abandon. He smacked his lips and sighed. "That's a good wine!" He looked at the still untouched wine in Phoebus's hands. He looked at him.

Phoebus smiled, tipped the bottle and took a quick sip. Wow...that _was_ some good wine. He took a longer draught, before coming up for air and wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Where'd you get this?" he asked, not exactly knowing if he wanted to know the answer.

"Uh-uh-uh! A magician never reveals his secrets!" said Clopin, waving his own bottle about. "I got it from wine-press!"

"I thought you said a magician never reveals his secrets." said Phoebus. Clopin shrugged and took another large gulp.

"I said that?" Phoebus laughed.

"You're already drunk!"

"Truest words you've ever spoke!" said Clopin, throwing himself on a bench next to the fire. "So I decided to come get you drunk!"

"Why suffer alone?" asked Phoebus with another pull from his lovely bottle. Clopin laughed. Phoebus laughed. They both laughed.

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_Nearly a Half-Hour Later..._

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"Weirdest thing you've ever done?"

"Kissed a pig."

Clopin burst out laughing, spraying Phoebus in mulberry wine. Phoebus laughed, wiping his eyes and face with his sleeve. His foot kicked the already empty wine bottles (numbering at least five by his feet) and he burped. A small one, but still.

"I can do better than that!" said Clopin, burping from deep within himself. Phoebus shook his head.

"Weak!"

"Like you could do better!"

"Yeah I could!"

"Just try!" Phoebus took a long draught...then belched. Clopin laughed heartily, slapping his knee.

"Almost as good as a Gypsy!" he snickered.

"I was **_better _**than a Gypsy!" laughed Phoebus.

"Are you saying you're better than me?!"

"Yeah!"

A few seconds later, they were exchanging fist blows. Clopin landed one on Phoebus's shoulder while Phoebus was landing one on his nose. A few more seconds later, they were laughing as Phoebus held a rag to Clopin's bleeding nose.

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_A Few More Hours Later..._

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"I think that you'd be good for Ass-Es-Esmeralda." slurred Clopin. They were sitting on the same bench, Clopin's arm slung about Phoebus's shoulders as they stared into the fire. "You're a good-burp-man!"

"You're not so bad yerself." mumbled Phoebus, his seventh bottle of wine slipping from his fingers to clank harmlessly on the floor.

"Really?" said Clopin, slumping down a bit.

"Yeah." said Phoebus, fighting to keep his eyes open. He looked down at Clopin. Clopin's eyes looked up at him. They just stared at each other for a few moments. Clopin's hand went up, clasping Phoebus's cheek. Phoebus felt himself being pulled down. His mouth met Clopin's. Clopin held him captive for a few moments before letting go and slumping back down with a sigh.

"Yeah, you're good. Good kisser." Clopin's head slowly fell forward and he started to snore, long and loud. Phoebus stayed where he was, thinking as far as his intoxicated brain could before he slipped into unconsciousness.

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It was quite a bit later when he was awakened rudely by Djali bleating loudly into his ear. It sent lightning through his brain, it hurt to open his eyes to the sunlight. The sunlight was suddenly blocked by a figure. Phoebus groaned.

"Well." said Esmeralda looking at the passed out men with an expression of amusement and disbelief. "Looks like you two had fun last night."

Clopin mumbled a song into his goatee and gave a drunken chuckle. Esmeralda sighed, leaned down and slung one of Clopin's arms about her shoulders. She stood up, dragging Clopin up.

"I'm going to get him home." she said, turning to Phoebus with a piting smile on her lips. "You'd better sleep off that headache you've got." Phoebus couldn't even string together a sentence to answer her. She walked out into the morning, the half-asleep Gypsy King singing drunken songs and laughing without care.

Phoebus stood up slowly, using the bench to help him up. He surveyed the room. It was a total mess, wine bottles all over the place and ashes spiraling in the grate. He groaned again, stumbling over to the door and shutting it. He squinted in the bright sunlight, making his way to his bedroom, collapsing on his bed with a sigh of satisfaction.

He fell asleep, wondering what had happened the night before.

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Without a doubt the weirdest story I have ever written...(laughs!)


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